


I'm Asking for Your Help

by orphan_account



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this prompt: Can I have, may or may not be younger, James asking Kendall for permission to date Logan? Because I can just imagine Kendall viewing Logan as his little sibling and he'd totally be protective of him and give him a hard time at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Asking for Your Help

_Thirteen._

The thing is, for as long as James has been friends with Kendall and Logan (and Carlos), Kendall and Logan have always been closer. No, not closer, exactly, because James would like to think that out of the four of them, he and Logan are the closest, but anyway. Kendall and Logan seem to have this big brother/little brother kind of relationship, and though Logan’s older than Kendall, Kendall seems to have taken the big brother role, complete with the overbearing protectiveness. It’s a little alarming, truth be told.

There’s this thing James has been tossing around in his head for awhile, and he’s not quite sure what to do about it. It’s kind of a big thing for someone his age to be worrying about, but the more he tries to ignore it, the harder and louder it shouts in his head.

He makes up his mind on a warm summer day, the sun hot and making his shirt stick to his back uncomfortably. He doesn’t bother telling his mom where he’s going – she probably wouldn’t hear or pay attention to him, anyway – and bikes across town to Kendall’s house. It shouldn’t surprise him that Logan’s there, but when he remembers what he’s there to do, he’s ready to jump back on his bike and go home.

Of course, that’s when Kendall and Logan catch sight of him and now there’s no chance of escape.

“Hey,” Kendall says. “I didn’t know you were coming over, did I?”

“Nah,” James says, shaking his head. “Just got bored at home.”

Kendall narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the side, and James is pretty sure Kendall knows he’s lying.

“Hey, Logan,” Kendall says, “can you check on Katie for me, make sure she’s not trying to blow someone or something up?”

“Sure,” Logan says, waving hello and goodbye at James.

“What’s going on?” Kendall asks when the screen door screeches shut behind Logan.

“What? I don’t – nothing, nothing at all.” James can’t seem to get his mouth to stop moving, and he knows he’s done for when Kendall grips him by the arm and drags him to the side of the house, out of sight of windows and doors.

“Gonna ask you once more, James,” Kendall says, voice more authoritative than any 13 year old’s should be. “What. Is. Going. On?”

James swallows nervously, feels the butterflies in his stomach trying to fly out through his throat, his heart like a trip hammer in his chest. He licks his lips and says, “Okay, what if, y’know, just – imagine that maybe – “

“Spit it out!”

“What if someone were to ask out Logan? What would you say to that?” James spits it out, feels his insides ready to shrivel and die, his face red from more than the sun.

“That someone being you?” Kendall asks, and then he doubles over, arms wrapped around his stomach as he laughs. Laughs and laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard anyone ever say.

“I dunno,” James says, digging the toe of his shoe into the dirt. “Maybe.”

That seems to start Kendall off again, and he’s laughing even harder now, wiping at his eyes as he tries to calm down. Finally, he says, “No, no, and hell no.”

“What? Why?” James asks, offended.

“You’re probably just confused about some stuff, James. We’re a little young for you to be making that kind of decision, y’know? Maybe you just still think girls have cooties or something,” Kendall explains, shrugging his shoulders.

“I guess,” James says, even though he knows Kendall’s wrong this time. He got over the girls having cooties thing years ago, but he just hasn’t seen any girl that makes his stomach flip the same way Logan does. What does Kendall know, anyway? He’s not older, and even if he likes to think he has all the answers, he doesn’t. Not even Logan has all the answers and Logan’s the smartest person James knows. “I’m gonna go home,” he says, then, “don’t tell Logan about this, okay?”

“Sure thing,” Kendall says. “See ya later.”

James climbs back on his bike and pedals home, thinking the whole way there how asking Kendall was a dumb idea because Kendall’s just dumb. It really doesn’t make him feel any better.

\--

_Fourteen._

A year older, the transition to high school, and James thinks maybe he’s ready to try asking Kendall again. He’s not sure why he’s even going to bother asking Kendall when the last time didn’t have such great results, but.

He’s tried dating girls and had to suffer through Kendall’s I told you so looks because of it, but no matter how many dates he went on, he never felt anywhere close to what he feels when he’s around Logan. It’s what makes him absolutely certain he knows what he wants, and that Kendall isn’t going to get in his way any longer, even if he tells James no again.

\--

James corners Kendall after school, before Logan has the chance to appear and stop James from asking Kendall altogether.

“What the heck, dude? I’ve gotta go get Katie,” Kendall says, trying to push James out of the way.

“This’ll be quick, promise,” James says, then, “I’m not confused, okay? We might only be 14, but I know what I want and I know what I am. If you don’t like it, fine, but you’re not going to stop me from asking Logan out, not again.”

Kendall snorts in James’ face, says, “Sure, James, whatever you say,” then walks away, not even bothering to look back at James.

James has a feeling things aren’t going to be that easy for him.

\--

Somehow, James doesn’t manage to see Logan for a couple days, and the next time he does, Logan’s fingers are twined with a short brunette’s, a girl James has never seen before. She must be in one of Logan’s advanced classes or something for James to have never have seen her before, but seeing them has James’ stomach churning, the dawning realization that this has to be Kendall’s doing, his way of stopping James from asking Logan out.

James is a little more than pissed. He doesn’t understand what Kendall has against him asking Logan out. Is he a bad person? Does Kendall think he’d be a bad boyfriend? It doesn’t make any sense to him. He thought they were all friends, that Kendall would always have his back no matter what, but it’s clear now that that’s not the case. It’s quite unsettling.

“Guess you can’t ask him now, can you?” Kendall asks, smirk on his face that James wants to punch right off.

“What is your problem, Kendall? What is so bad about me wanting to ask Logan out?” James asks, keeping his voice low, but injecting as much anger as he can.

“My problem is that Logan isn’t gay, James, that you’re not either, that you just want attention or something, I don’t know. Logan has a girlfriend now, so you should find one, too. Maybe you can double-date,” Kendall says, then he walks away, slinging his arm around Carlos’ shoulder when he appears from around the corner.

For the first time since he met Kendall, James is really regretting his decision to be Kendall’s friend. Then again, it’s not like they’re friends now, not with the way Kendall’s treating him.

It makes him sick and sad, because despite how close he and Logan are, Logan has a ridiculous kind of devotion to Kendall and if it comes down to it – which James thinks it might – Logan will pick Kendall, and James doesn’t know what he’ll do if that happens.

\--

_Fifteen._

Another year older, another grade forward.

The last year seemed to go by especially slowly, but the rift between James and Kendall eventually mended itself. After all, there was no way they were going to get anywhere near the hockey championships if they were at odds.

Logan and Carlos were both confused about what was going on, and they bounced back and forth between James and Kendall, hoping to figure out what it was. They both kept quiet, though Kendall didn’t have to, could’ve spilled it all to Logan or Carlos if he wanted, and James is grateful that he didn’t.

And so, with another year brings more maturity, and James hopes the third time is the charm.

He approaches Kendall more cautiously this time, has everything thought out that he wants to say, and he only hopes that Kendall will actually hear him out and give him a chance.

“Hey, Kendall,” James says quietly during lunch, “can I talk to you for a minute?”

Kendall looks up from his tray of food and nods, following James through the lunchroom to dispose of their trays, then out into the hallway. “What’s up?” Kendall asks, leaning against the wall.

“It’s uh – it’s about Logan,” James says, quickly powering through before Kendall has the chance to say no or to walk away. “Just. Listen for a second, please?”

Kendall sighs, says, “Sure,” and folds his arms over his chest, waiting and listening.

“I know you keep saying I’m confused about things, that there’s no way I’m, y’know, but I’ve known that I am for awhile, okay? I’m not confused, I swear to you. I know what I feel is real and not something I’m imagining. Like, the way you felt around Sarah, how she made you want to do whatever it took to impress her, how she made your stomach feel all weird and how you wanted to kiss her and hold her hand and stupid stuff like that, that’s how Logan makes me feel,” James says, blowing out a slow breath.

“But more than that, he doesn’t make me feel stupid when I need help with my homework or something. He doesn’t tell me my dreams of being a popstar are stupid or that it’s something that’ll never happen. I’m sure he feels that way because not many people actually achieve that dream, but he always makes me feel like I can because he believes in me,” James continues, and he can feel his face flush at admitting all of this, opening himself up like this for Kendall to ridicule or mock him.

“Um, okay,” Kendall says, unsure of where to even start. “You’re not confused, and I’m sorry for saying that you were, but that doesn’t change that Logan’s straight, James. I’ve been trying to protect you from getting hurt, even if I’ve been a dick about it, but if you go to Logan and ask him out and he rejects you, it’ll mess things up, especially your friendship with him.”

James knows Kendall’s right, but it doesn’t make him feel better at all. He’d thought maybe he had a chance, but with Kendall being so adamant about Logan being straight, he knows he has no chance. Kendall and Logan are like brothers and James is sure Logan tells Kendall pretty much everything.

“I see your point,” James says softly. “Thanks, Kendall.”

“You gonna be okay?” Kendall asks, voice just as soft, full of care and worry.

“Yeah, of course,” James replies. “I need to stop at my locker before the next class, so I’m gonna go.”

“Alright. See ya later,” Kendall says, heading back into the cafeteria before he turns around and adds, “I’m sorry things aren’t different.”

“Yeah, me too,” James says, shrugging his shoulders as he heads off in the direction of his locker.

\--

It’s not easy pushing away his feelings for Logan, but James tries not to dwell on them, tries not to let them get in the way of how he acts around Logan, and he pastes on a happy face, even if he doesn’t mean it.

He takes Kendall’s suggestion from last year and goes on a few double dates with Logan, putting on a brave face even though it’s eating up his insides to see Logan enjoying the time with his date, even if he looks a little nervous and flustered. James just finds it endearing.

He keeps up the charade for the rest of the year, a new girl on his arm every month, and he feels like a dick for leading the girls on this way, but he’s at a loss for what else to do.

Carlos is envious of the way James can have any girl just by batting his eyelashes or offering them a soft smile, and Kendall just laughs and shoves at James’ shoulder, telling him that he’s a lucky asshole. Logan seems indifferent about it, but there are a few times when he asks James why he can’t seem to make it work with any of them for longer than a few weeks, and James just shrugs his shoulders and tells Logan that it’s high school, he’s not looking for anything serious, the lie making his stomach twist and turn because what he really wants and feels is serious.

Everything’s as good as it can be, and then, his whole life changes.

\--

_Sixteen._

James never thought he’d be here, no matter how much he had dreamed and imagined it. He’s actually here, in Los Angeles, living his dream, with his three best friends at his side. With all the issues he and Kendall have had over the last few years, James didn’t expect Kendall to stick up for him the way he did, didn’t expect Kendall to tell Gustavo that the only way he’d agree to record with him would be if James, Logan, and Carlos could come with, and he’s forever indebted to Kendall because of it.

“This is insane!” James says, for what feels like the thousandth time. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get over the fact that this is actually happening, that he’s going to be a popstar. It’s – it’s insane.

“Yeah, insanely lame,” Carlos says. “This apartment is boring. I’m going back down by the pool.”

Carlos quickly exits the apartment, and Kendall’s right on his heels, says, “I should probably go make sure he doesn’t get beat up by the Jennifers,” and shuts the door behind him.

“It is kind of boring,” Logan says, looking around. “The tv’s so old I doubt it works, there are no games, and everything is just kind of…blah.”

James has to agree. Even though he’s beyond excited, the state of the apartment is kind of putting a damper on his mood.

“Still,” James says, “beats being back in Minnesota in negative ten thousand degree weather.”

“Fair point,” Logan replies.

“So, hey,” James says softly, interrupting the quiet. “I never really thanked you for driving us to the audition, so, y’know, thanks. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“It was Kendall, really,” Logan says. “If it weren’t for Kendall, we wouldn’t be here.”

“That’s not true,” James retorts. “If you hadn’t driven us, Kendall wouldn’t have gotten in Gustavo’s face like that and sang for him, and Gustavo wouldn’t have tracked Kendall down to offer him a recording contract, and Kendall wouldn’t have made him bring us, so, y’know, this is all because of you.”

“Yeah, well,” Logan says, shrugging it off like it’s nothing even though James is certain Logan knows what it means to him. “I always told you your dream of being a popstar would come true.”

James isn’t sure what happens, but he feels it in the air, feels the shift in the mood, and he has this overwhelming urge to hold Logan’s hand, to pull Logan into his arms and kiss him until neither of them can breathe, to show Logan just how much he means to him, and, from the way Logan’s looking at him, James is almost positive Logan would kiss back.

Of course, that’s when Kendall and Carlos slam back into the apartment, Kendall shouting at Carlos that “it’s your own fault, you should’ve listened to me when I told you to leave them alone” and Carlos telling Kendall to shut up because “whatever, Kendall. Your ‘I told you so’s’ are ridiculous”.

James sighs and shakes his head. The moment is broken and over, and he’d give almost anything to be able to push Kendall and Carlos back out the door to regain it.

\--

After unsuccessfully asking out each of the Jennifer’s – not that he wanted any of them to say yes – and revamping the apartment, James makes a decision. He returns to thinking that Kendall doesn’t know anything when it comes to how and what Logan feels, and this time, he doesn’t so much as ask Kendall as he does tell Kendall.

“So, just giving you a heads up,” James says, leaning in the doorway while Kendall brushes his teeth. “I’m gonna ask Logan out.”

Kendall spits the toothpaste out of his mouth and rinses with water, wiping his face clean before he replies. “I thought we already discussed this, James,” he says, dropping his toothbrush into its spot in the toothbrush holder.

“We did,” James says in agreement, “but I think you were wrong.”

“I doubt that I was, but if you want to risk your friendship and your shot at being a popstar, by all means, be my guest,” Kendall says, squeezing past James to get out of the bathroom.

That’s not exactly how James imagined that conversation going, but. He has a good feeling about this, and everything in him is telling him to go for it, that this is his chance, and he’s not going to let it pass him by.

\--

To say James is nervous would be the understatement of the century. His stomach is in knots, his palms are sweaty, and his throat seems eternally dry. None of it is enough to stop him from going through with this, though, so he musters up every ounce of courage he has and knocks on the door to Logan and Kendall’s room, waiting until Logan tells him the door’s open before he twists the knob and steps inside, closing it firmly behind him.

“Whatcha working on?” James asks, sitting down on Logan’s bed, Logan across from him at his desk, hunched over a book.

“Just doing some extra reading for school so I don’t fall behind,” Logan replies, marking his spot and closing the book before turning to James. “What’s up?”

James swallows. Here goes nothing.

“I um – I was wondering what you were doing tonight?”

“I was probably just gonna finish the next few chapters in this book. Did you wanna do something?” Logan asks, rubbing his hands on the thighs of his pants.

“Would you uh – would you maybe want to get dinner with me?” James asks, licking his lips nervously, unable to bring himself to meet Logan’s gaze.

“Oh,” Logan says, then, “really?”

James looks over at him then, a slow feeling of relief washing over him at the hesitant smile on Logan’s face.

“Yeah,” James says, nodding slowly.

“Just for clarification purposes,” Logan says, “you mean like a date, right?”

“Um, yes?”

“You don’t sound too sure about that,” Logan teases, and James is taken by surprise because what is going on? In all the years he’s known Logan, he’s never really teased or flirted with anyone like this, and James is just – he’s – he – he doesn’t even know, but it’s making his insides do happy, flippy things.

“I’m definitely sure,” James says, stopping himself there before he ends up telling Logan he’s been sure since he was thirteen fricken years old. He thinks it might be a little too soon to divulge that kind of information.

“Okay,” Logan says, a full smile spreading over his lips, dimples carved deep into his cheeks and James can’t wait until he’s able to touch them, to fit his thumbs into those spaces while he kisses Logan.

“We have reservations at 7, so, y’know, be ready by then,” James says, and he just can’t get himself to stop smiling, doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop, but it’s not like he minds, anyway. He’s just – he’s happy.

“Okay,” Logan says again, smile slipping to something softer, more private and affectionate, and it warms James right down to his toes. “7 it is.”

“I’ll let you get back to your reading now,” James says, slowly backing up, blindly reaching behind him for the doorknob.

Logan nods his head and turns back to his desk, and James quietly makes his way out of the room, tamping down the urge to find Kendall and laugh in his face and tell him that he was oh so very wrong.

Instead, he revels in the fact that Logan said yes, that what he’s wanted since he was thirteen is really happening, right alongside his dream of being a popstar. His life couldn’t get better than this.

\--

_Twenty-five_

James had thought that once he finally started dating Logan, he wouldn’t ever have to ask Kendall for permission for anything involving Logan again. It’s a testament to how much he really wants this that he’s standing outside Kendall’s house in the middle of a freezing winter in Minnesota, fat flakes of crisp white snow falling down around him.

He rings the doorbell once and waits for Kendall to answer, stomping the snow off his shoes before he enters, following Kendall inside to the living room.

“Hey, man,” Kendall finally says, sitting down on the sofa and gesturing for James to do the same. “I wasn’t expecting you, was I?”

“Nah,” James replies. “Just thought I’d fly out and see how you’re doing.”

Kendall snorts and shakes his head. “You could’ve just called and saved yourself the money.”

“Yeah, I know,” James says, shrugging his shoulders.

“What’re you really here for, James?” Kendall asks, getting right down to it.

“I wanted to ask you something,” James says, twisting his fingers nervously.

Kendall’s brows furrow in confusion, waiting for James to continue.

“So, um, obviously you know Logan and I have been through a lot together –“

“Wait, wait, wait. Did you seriously fly 2,000 miles to ask me something about Logan?” Kendall asks, failing to hide his amusement.

“Um, yes?” James says, unsure of why this is so funny to Kendall.

“James, you guys are adults. You don’t need to ask me anything. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment and all, dude, but, Logan’s his own person. I don’t speak for him. I never have, and the one time I tried, well, I was clearly very wrong.”

“No, I know that,” James says, “but you two have always been like brothers, and, man, I don’t even know what I’m doing here.” James shakes his head, laughing in disbelief at being here.

“I’m pretty sure I know what you were going to ask, and I’m not gonna give you my permission because Logan’s a grown man, but you have my blessing, man. You and Logan are good together, and you have been through a lot of tough stuff, but here you are, nine years later. I honestly can’t believe you’ve waited so long.”

“I would’ve done it sooner, but, y’know, waiting was better. None of us are in the spotlight anymore and it probably won’t make as much noise as it would’ve had I done it earlier,” James explains. “Anyway, I figure now is as good a time as any. We’re not getting any younger, and it’s about time I make an honest man out of him, don’t you think?”

Kendall laughs and says, “Don’t let him hear you say that. You’ll be sleeping on the couch for a week.”

“Eh,” James says, then, “I should probably get going. My flight leaves in a couple hours and the roads were pretty bad driving here, so.”

“Yeah. Next time you fly in, try staying longer than a few hours, okay?”

“Sure thing, dude,” James says, allowing Kendall to lead him back to the door.

“I’m really happy for you and Logan,” Kendall says, pulling James into a quick hug.

“Thanks,” James says, soft and heartfelt.

In the beginning, Kendall wasn’t crazy about the idea of James and Logan dating, and had tried a bunch of different ways to get them to see that their relationship wasn’t going to work, or that it was going to break up the band, or that James would eventually get bored of being with Logan for so long, but time and time again, Logan would stand his ground and tell Kendall that he needed to stop being such an idiot and just let them have this because nothing he said or did was going to break them up. Eventually, Kendall stopped trying and finally just accepted their relationship. Everything was easy as pie after that.

“I’ll call you when I get back to L.A. and let you know how everything goes,” James says, stepping out onto porch.

“You know he’s going to say yes,” Kendall says, “but you better call anyway.”

“Bye, Kendall,” James says, shaking his head as he trudges through the snow back to the rental car. It’s barely been half a day, but he’s already aching to get back home to Logan, his stomach flipping in nervous excitement as he thinks about the small box hidden in his closet.

Twelve years later and he’s got everything he’s ever wanted: he lived his dream and he’s living his happily ever after with the person he’s loved for more than half his life. He really couldn’t ask for more.


End file.
